Get Stuffed.

Mode: 2-4 Player
Hardware: Oven
Accessories: Lime Juice

Made another sunday roast this weekend! Decided I'd have my first go at using stuffing. I bought some dried instant type stuffing because it was on sale and sounded pretty nice, but strangely it didn't say anything in the instructions about actually stuffing it inside anything, simply baking it in a tray. What's up with that? Is it not the done thing anymore?

2 mixtures going on here: one to go ON the chicken, one to go IN the chicken. I mixed some olive oil with sage, black onion seed and lemon juice to be the herby glaze that I thought would go well with the stuffing. I think it was sage and sausage flavour or something.

Popped the chicken, a free range corn fed from devonshire, possibly called 'pecky', in the oven for 75 minutes.

Post-Mortem: **** Good, good. The trouble with chicken is though, I think it's pretty hard to get wrong. You kinda rely on the fact that meat is already delicious just the way it is, and go from there. Oh also that salad was terrible I need to throw that dressing out it's so old it had the consistancy of snot.

Jamaican me some jambalaya.

Mode: 2-3 Player
Hardware: Big wok.
Accessories: Glass of water.

When I say Creole Cuisine, you might think of eating wax crayons. Shame on you. Lime green doesn't taste of anything. I learned that waaaay back. In art college.

100% pure near-expirey re-frozen sea creatures.

I'm making SEAFOOD Jambalaya, using a pre-cooked seafood mix, the leftover halves of that sweet pepper, courgette, and a carrot I found in the bottom of the fridge. Fridge-scrapings you say? Nutritious!

My stylist told me ginger wasn't in season 'till next fall.

Here's our lineup of good old fashioned auntie jambalaya's home stored traditional flavour noise. Carribean everyday seasoning, cayenne pepper, cajun, black pepper, paprika and ginger.

Pro tips on adding spices: uuuuuuuuuhhhhh... remove lid. Use.

I put vegetable and toasted sesame oil in my wok, and tossed in all the vegetables and a heavy sprinkling of each of these spices.

Oxo. Poor man's cup-a-soup.

I boiled some water and dissolved a big teaspoon of chicken stock and added some torn up basil leaves.

Yes, you may use this for your death metal album cover.

I also added in some chopped up sun dried tomatoes and garlic, and a big squirt of ketchup.

I.C.I.C.C. Food

When the vegetables were fried enough, I added the rice and stock to boil the rice in, and the frozen seafood. Look at that big block of frozen crud. Hehehe. This now has to cook for like an hour and constantly come back and stir it and add more water until the rice is all absorbed and hopefully not burned.

Just splat it on there, nobody has any expectations of you.

Post-mortem: ***** SO GOOD. Would have been awesomer with risotto rice probably, but still great. Just a hot spicey pile of goodness.

Turkey and Chive Burgers

Mode: 2-4 player
Hardware: Pan
Accessories: Mango Juice.

I don't have a bucket list, because those are soooo lame. But if you do, you should add 'INVENT MY OWN BURGER'. I'm going to invent mine own burger. Riiiight....


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ok, now.

I was on an exciting odyssey to pick up a 3DS (woo!) the other day, and I had to make dinner when I got home even though it was really late. I picked up some turkey mince and some wholemeal baps (lol baps) on my way home. Here I mixed the turkey mince with a raw egg, some shredded parsley and a big handful of chopped up chives. I like to mix it up straight in the packaging, because its conveniently the right size and waterproof. Also don't forget to wash your hands extra thoroughly, because it's raw poultry. Also I put some corn on the cob in the steamer for about 15-20 minutes while doing the burgers.

Haha, look how gross it looks! It looks like krang from TMNT

Ooh, now it looks less gross. Not done yet though, I cook it really slowly on a medium heat to make sure its cooked through. make a cut in the middle of the fattest one to make sure there's absolutely no pink-ness. These are actually surprisingly big, I could have probably made 6 burgers with this much mince. Lotta meat.

I garnish the burgers with sun dried tomato, lettuce and chilli relish.

Post-mortem: ***** OH MY GOD THESE ARE SO GOOD YOU GUYS. Sooooo goood.

Time to bust some chops.

Mode: 2-player
Hardware: Oven
Accessories: Cola

Survived the end of the world? Good. Me too. The big G told me he'd leave some special bitches behind or else the rest of you would forget how to cook and make videogames and shit. I said no prob I'd catch him up.

Here's a country I've probably never cooked anything relating to yet: Australia. Mostly 'cause they just have bizarro versions of British food, like 'vegemite' and 'weet-bix'. So today I'm going to use this 'bush tucker' spice mix on some pork chops. I mixed it with some olive oil, sage and black pepper and a tiny drizzle of soy sauce.

Applied liberally to pork chops.

Also to some potato 'discs' I found in the freezer. Potato discs sounds like the kind of thing Australians would invent to rebel against our pommie pommes frites.
Put them both in the oven for about 25 mins.

And finally, my signature salad, the 'whatever vegetables I have in the fridge' salad. Mostly spinach, but with some cucumber, carrot and spring onion in there too.

And there it is. Also had no salad dressing except salad cream, but that's ok because it goes kinda really well with that salad it turns out.

Post-Mortem: **** Good stuff. A little gritty on the potatoes, but they were a bit rubbish anyway. I am pretty generous with my ratings, I have noticed. I don't really think I'm all that, I just have kinda low standards to what I might eat. I once drank an entire coffee made with noticeably expired milk because I was too stubborn to tip it down the sink. Also one time I ate an A6 piece of card for comedy purposes. Those things would get only 1 star.

Fajitastic

Mode: 2-player

Hardware: Pan

Accessories: Cola



Back from badminton, today we make FAJITAS. Did you know that fajita is 20% more hilarious if you pronounce it like 'fadge-eye-ta'? Because it sounds like vagina. Man I'm so good at teaching you guys about culture and stuff.

Lube up your FINEST WOK. No second best-sies unless the best ones pending a wash or you lent it to someone and it MYSTERIOUSLY DISSAPEARED in which case it's a write-off, don't kid yourself. Loosely chop up chicken fillets, onion, red pepper and the obligatory spare vegetable you have around, mine's mangetout peas.

Here's my lineup of spices, notice how I'm sorta god-modeing it a little with a 'fajita' mix there, I don't know whats in that. Probably just more cajun. Go heavy on the oregano and cajun, and easy on the nutmeg and black pepper. If you have any chilli sauce, that's also a good plan, though don't worry about the dryness, that's what relishes are for.

While that stuff cooks, chop up some lettuce, cucumber and cheese, and assemble a force of relishes from your cupboard. If you REALLY don't have any, ketchup is always a last resort.

I like to heat the flour tortillas on the stove very quickly and gently, so that they go warm but not crispy or else they'll be terrible to wrap. Then the meat mix goes on, then the vegetable garnishes, then some splodges of sauce there. I have branston's 'hot chilli and jalapeno', and 'tomato, curryspice and peri-peri' Someone should really cut me an advertising deal.

Post-Mortem: ***** As that weird elvis advisor guy in Civilisation II once said. 'No complaints, noble leader.' Also dear Nando's adverts, take note: I just did a whole dissertation on mexican food WITHOUT ANY RACISM.