Cottage Pie: What to do with a whole lot of discount mince.

Mode: 1-4 player
Hardware: Pans and Oven
Accessories: Cola

Hello there, I am a british person. I make savory meat dishes with names like 'pie' and 'pudding' that bewilder the residents of other countries. And JOLLY GRAND it is to do so my dear boy. Tally ho! What ho? Your sister.

According to wikipedia, the difference between cottage pie and shepherd's pie is not in fact whether or not you use sheep or cow mince. I'm kinda dissapointed and confused, myself. What IS the difference then? NO IDEA!? shut up and peel some potatoes. And boil them.

After a little while, put on some chopped onions and all the mince and cook those up. Because Flanders is outta town I used butter instead of olive oil. Also because I forgot to get more oil.

Here I got a beef stock cube, and made a mixture of equal parts worcester sauce, balsamic vinegar, dark soy sauce, and tomato ketchup, with a pinch of of salt and pepper. Once the beef stock is sufficiently dissolved, or more accurately, kinda lazily mushed up into something more mixable, I added it to the beef and onion. Also added some garlic too.

Both the meat and potatoes are looking about done here, so I mashed up the potatoes with a little splash of milk, and grated some cheddar cheese. Then I got my biggest glass oven container... thingy. Putting the mince in first, and then mashed potato, and then grated cheese on top. Kindof like a lasagne for morons.

Stick it in the oven for about 20-30mins, annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd mission complete.

Post-Mortem: I vastly underestimated the amount of potato one needs for that amount of mince. I barely got that badboy covered. Still, the mince tasted good and... well, mincy. ****

Beef Blobs in Spicy Sauce.

Mode: 1-2 player
Hardware: Pans
Accessories: Summer fruits squash

Today I was thinking of making some meatballs, but really, when I make meatballs they aren't really 'ball' shaped as such. More like 'torso of a bumblebee with scoliosis' shaped.

HERE'S THE INGREDIENTS, DAWG.

I put the spaghetti on to boil and mixed the egg with the mince and squidged it around into squidgeballs and put them in the frying pan.

I cooked the meatballs on a low heat, and then chopped the onion and pepper and fried them in a small pan with some oil. Once they were browned, I added chopped tomatoes, crushed chilli flakes, basil, and a hint of barbecue sauce.

When everything was done, I put the spaghetti on the meatballs, and then the sauce on top.

Post-Mortem: Really good actually! I think I got the balance of spicyness just right this time. It's always easy to cook with beef cause it has a strong meaty flavour. I think it might have been better if cooked for longer, but I am hasty like that. I guess thats kinda the premise of this blog and all. *****

Duck Flavoured Chicken Risotto

Mode: 1-2 player
Hardware: Pans
Accessories: Summer fruits squash

Back from my holiday. Ok this post is actually a day late, so I have to use my brain-memory again HRRRRRRRGHHH.

I had some 'paella rice' in my cupboard, which as far as my limited rice expertise can suppose is sufficiently similar to risotto rice. The grains are sorta short and fat and take in a lot of water. Paella rice is kindof a gyp because I expect it to come with some of that saffron stuff that makes it yellow, but it DOESN'T. Also is 'gyp' kinda racist? I'm pretty sure they use it in the simpsons. Anyway I also put in some non-dairy butter substitute, and began heating the rice.

Before I went on holiday, I made and froze some DUCK STOCK which became this awesome jelly. I guess I am easily amused. GELATINOUS CUBE ENTERS COMBAT. ROLL 1D20 TO ATTACK WITH WOODEN SPOON. Etc.

I cooked the rice with the stock and topped up the water incrementally, while I chopped up onions, green pepper and some chicken and added it to the mix.

Then I added corn and oregano seasoning, and I split the risotto into two pans. This is so that I can add some italian cheese to mine, and not to my dairy-free fairy queen's.

Post-Mortem: Risotto is the comfort food of kings. It's the macdonalds of people who don't want to die young. You'd have to really ruin it pretty badly to make it not-delicious. That said though, mine was a little bland for my taste. I have a habit of being conservative about herbs and salt, and it turns out duck doesn't really taste of a whole lot. Also, garden peas are a lot better than green pepper. Just sayin'. ****

Bolognese a la sister

Mode: 6 Player
Hardware: Pans
Accessories: Flavoured Water or something.

I was on holiday in Devon and Cornwall for just over a week! Hence, quiet times. I brought back a few treasured memories for you all, including one recipe courtesy of my little sister, where I assisted in chopping things and making unnecessary noise. Now I have to try and remember what on earth we did like, a week ago...

So we had in it, um, mince, 3 small red onions, 1 whole garlic, 1 and a half peppers, half a leek, jalapenos, olives, 1 chilli pepper, and rocket and parmesan to garnish.

HOLY SHIT look at the size of THIS PAN. It's LAAAAAAAAARGE. You could fit all of the establishment formerly known as East Devon College in this pan. But instead there is the mince and red onions.

Here twee has added, like, ok I don't even remember. (maybe I can update this later) but presumeably some tomato concentrate, cider vinegar, mediterranian spice mix, and some other things...?

Here is spaghetti in a spaghetti pan with water.

This is my handywork. It's been leeked on the internet!

Olives eeeeugh. Fun fact, I don't like olives. They make me nauseous. I will be picking mine out and putting them on other people's plates.

So heres all the vegetables, put in the pan in order of basic cookitude. Something you learn with practice, onions and meat tend to take longest to cook, and hard vegetables like carrots and pepper, and then soft or precooked vegetables like corn, peas and cucumber go in last.

Here it is on my plate with some parmesan and rocket.

Here is an empty plate to carefully illustrate the deliciousness of the food causing me to eat it.

Even our vegetarian family members are catered for.

I spent the rest of the holiday CHILLAAAAXING and doing nothing productive at all.
Yes that is a degu in a homer simpson slipper. It's hilarious it always looks like homer is eating or barfing her.

Retro Review: I'm pretty sure it was really good, though whatever the chilli pepper we used it was very noticeable when you got a bit of it! 8| ****

Sausages.

Today I am 'cooking' some fancy Waitrose sausages. Though Flanders often buys these, he is among MANY OTHERS who deem it too... culinary to try preparing themselves.
Here is how to 'cook' sausages.

GET NICE SAUSAGES.

TURN ON OVEN

PUT SAUSAGES IN OVEN

LEAVE FOR 15 MINS

PUT CHIPS IN OVEN NEXT TO SAUSAGES

LEAVE FOR FURTHER 15 MINS

TURN OFF OVEN

SERVE

Unwholesome Prawn Obsession.

Mode: Single Player
Hardware: Pan
Accessories: Water

Looks like it's just me left alone this evening to tackle the rest of these discount prawns in my freezer. I cooould make what I made with the first batch the other day. But where is the glamour? Instead of chilli, i'm going lemony.

This time my team is a bunch of spring onion, a single lonely carrot, small pack of noodles, this jar of peking lemon sauce, and I thought it might go well with shredded cabbage, but I don't have any cabbage, all I have is this grody old lettuce which I will dissect for salvagable bits.

OK so it's a stir fry. You must get the basics of that by now. Chop everything into little bits, throw in pan, stir and play pokemon for 10 minutes, eat.

Post-Mortem: I guess this is looking a little familliar, frankly. Like almost identical to a previous post. Well, I am a real person who buys real ingredients that tend to last a few meals. Next week, I promise I will totally do something thats not a stir fry. What? I don't know yet. PS this tastes real good. It's a lemon party in m- SORRY. ****