SOUP DA WOOP IMMA BOILIN MA TATERS

Mode: 2-4 Player
Hardware: Pan
Accessories: Cola.

A TON of leftover turkey from christmas in the freezer. The god damn easiest thing in the universe to do with a ton of frozen poultry leftovers is to make a really damn fine soup.

Aw, my spaghetti letters are all C's

Hell almighty, as if I can remember what the heck I put in this. I really need to catch up with all these month old entries. Let's assume maybe some chicken stock, a pinch of salt and pepper, a pinch of cayenne pepper, and a dash of soy sauce.
Then as you can see, I chopped up some bite size chunks of potato, carrot and celery. These can cook for the longest because you want them to go all soft and they are the toughest vegetables.

Corn o'plenty.

Once they've had a while to soften, chopped up all the leftover turkey into chunks, and dumped in a whole can of sweetcorn. Sweetcorn is wicked good because as it's name suggests, it adds a sweet and rich flavour to soup. Also you should totally try it on a pizza with some spring onion and red pepper WOULD I LIE TO YOU?.

Max capacity is when you've filled the little gap under the lid.

Oh right, I also had mmmushrooms.. which are gross but only use a few of them and they fill it out good. They'll taste just like potato. As you can see, it got to be a pretty tight squeeze in that there pan. I probably need to get some bigger wares. Now you leave it for like TWO HOURS, and then stick some part-bake bread rolls in the oven for a couple mins for the PERFECT ACCOMPANIMENT.

Tastes a little fowl. AHAAA. Pun by Tobi.

Post-Mortem: ***** Basically the perfect chicken soup. Except it's turkey. Soup takes a while, but its so low maintenance that you can just get that going on at a weekend or something and leave it for hours and you can't really mess it up, unless you like forget to put water in and set it all on fire and accidentally chop your head off with the bread roll packaging and fall down into a dumpster full of barbed wire and lemons et cetera because you used the stupid moronic excuse that you can't even cook soup so I imagined you dying.

Chilli'd to the Bone

Mode: 2-4 Player
Hardware: Pans
Accessories: HOT Chocolate.

Euch, have I ever mentioned how much I hate winter? You do the whole Christmas thing, which is cool, but then after that you realise that you've got like 2 more months of that shit, and then 3 more months of people telling you it's spring now, and you seeing absolutely no evidence of that because it's still cold as balls.

Anyway, this is LITERALLY the best thing to make in winter. It suits both the 24-hour narcoleptic level tiredness you feel, and the desire to cram yourself with searing hot and spicy red meat and carbs. Who would have thought the mexicans knew so much about european winter? 'Cause it's Mexican beef and bean chilli.

Baby button sounds weird.

Beef mince, Mushrooms, 1 Carrot, 1 red onion, and my super special ingredient, a tin of mixed beans in a CHILLI SAUCE. For vegetarians, you can do exactly the same but without the beef. You won't even miss it.

You won't be all 'where's the beef?' Because that's old.

So we start with dicing and frying the beef, onion and carrot, with a helping of crushed garlic in there.

Second worst hot chocolate ever.

Now I dissolved spices in some hot water to make a stock. If I can remember what's in there... probably everything. But especially these things: Beef stock, black pepper, chilli powder (depending on how spicy you like it) and yes, cocoa powder. Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

It'll grow out of the grunge phase.

Add the mushrooms now, and reduce this a little cause it's kinda soupy. You could start making some white rice now to go on the side.

Kidney beans, lung beans, um.. pancreas beans?

Now add the special ingredients and cackle ominously, but not too loud because that's annoying and we're trying to watch TV.

Second best hot chocolate ever.

Keep reducing it until it gets to a pleasing thickness. If you haven't got all day, give up at some point and just pretend its meant to be more of a stew type thing.

Stick it in your chilli con crannies.

Post-Mortem: **** It was a little soupier and less spicy than intended, but then some people prefer a mild chilli. It's hard to cause displeasure with a chilli. Does anyone out there honestly dislike it? Well keep it to yourself, because I don't know you and I don't care.

Some pics from Christmas Dinner last year.

So last year I decided to host an ill-advised early christmas the night before heading off down south to the family. All my awesome friend-buddies pitched in and cooked, decorated and provided entertainments!  Unfortunately, it was so much crazy excitement that I mostly forgot to take any pictures of the process, nor am I going to recipize with you as frankly there was loads of things. So here is merely some samples and ideas for you budding domestic food preparers.

Stuffing of pork and herbs for the turkey.

Raspberry liqueur truffles decorated as xmas puds.

Roasting vegetable kebabs.

Pigs in a blanket with chilli and parsley seasoning.

Fill-up Fillets

Mode: 2 Player
Hardware: Oven
Accessories: Cuppa Tea

Beep boop. I am Allietron 2000 sent to the future from the past (I'm an out of date model) to fill your brains with information pertaining to nutrition preparation.

Sticker reccomended for obscuring unwanted information.

Hydrate the financially favourable food granules by adding the correct amount of water as determined by the instructionals on the containerment vessel.

Also good recipe for paramite brisket.

Apply the nutrition granules into hand-crafted poultry compartment systems. Place in the food heating capsule for precisely 25-ish minutes EARTH TIME.

USE FORK TO PUNCTURE NUTRIENTS

Use as a part of an approved meal with regulation 4354 type green goods and starch discs. Enjoy at a level of ** or more.

Spinach, motherfucker. Do you eat it?

Mode: 2 Player
Hardware: Pans
Accessories: Cold drink

OK so we have some catching up to do. We haven't spoken in a while. It's been um... good... I've had a nice holiday.  I started some other things as you can probably tell. Now I'm going through my camera archives trying to find food items I have taken pictures of last year and trying to vaguely recall what the hell I was doing. Let's see how I do anyway.
 
This appears to be a pork, spinach and butternut squash wrapped in a chapatti.  It's like indian style british food done mexican style.

In case of emergencies, squash also makes a good melee weapon.

It's a pretty simple recipe with few ingredients; about half a squash, some of a bag of spinach, a small pack of diced pork, a big or two medium onions, a cheap jar of madras sauce, and of course the chapattis.

Make sure onion seeds, not tiny beetles.

Fry up basically everything, starting with the onion and squash and pork, leaving the spinach till later on cause its leafy. I think I put some onion seed in there.

If eating pigs is wrong, give me a sign less subtle than trichinosis.

The spinach and madras sauce go in, mm looks its all orange with green bits. Other food that is orange with green bits: carrot and basil soup, pumpkin pie with um... green bits...

SANDWICH DELIS NEVER DO THIS

I lightly fry the bread a little to make it taste good and not all mushy like the ones you get when you order a tortilla wrap sandwich anywhere in the uk.

Overcooking chapatti may lead to taco-esque wrapping issues.

Post-Mortem: **** Delicious! ...Probably. I don't really remember too well, but I suspect so. Looks like a winner.